Be Assertive

Often in our day to day life, be it in professional or personal life we find three types of people with different behavior. They are 1) Aggressive behavior 
2) Submissive behavior and 3) Assertive behavior.

Aggressive Behavior

Aggressive Behavior means standing up for their rights, but in a way that violates the rights of other people. It means saying what they believe in a way that assumes that it is the only truth, and that any contradictory statement is wrong.

Aggressive people often use anger, aggressive body language and other threatening behavior  to bully, subjugate and dominate other people. They will use punishing language to infer guilt and create shame. They will use overt techniques of conversion to create unquestioning compliance.

The core assumption of aggressive behavior is that the aggressor is superior to others in some way, and hence that other people have lesser rights and less valid truths than you.

The result of aggressive behavior is that the aggressor gets much of what they want whilst losing the respect of other people. Whilst aggressive people appear to have friends, these are often passive people who either fear leaving or seek protection.

If you can cow another person then they are less likely to assertively or aggressively stand up for their rights. The goal of much aggressive behavior is to create passive behavior in others.

Aggressive people often have deep fears that they project onto other people. Bullies are often cowards who use aggression as a method of attack that preempts others attacking them. Where they fear particular people, they may displace their revenge onto unwitting victims.

Submissive Behaviour

Submissive (or passive) behaviour means shying away from saying what they really mean and not seeking to achieve their needs, particularly when someone else has conflicting needs. A submissive person is a shrinking violet, avoiding upsetting others either because they fear them or they fear to hurt others feelings.

When things go wrong, the submissive person is likely to assume that they are to blame in some way, and accept culpability when singled out by other people.

You can often see submissiveness in the use of such as floppy language, qualifiers and submissive body language, although these do not always indicate submissive behavior.

The core assumption of submissive behavior is that they are inferior to others in some way, and hence that other people have greater rights and more valid truths than they.

In behavior Analysis, the adaptive child may become submissive when coping with the controlling parent.

The submissive person will typically suppress their feelings and repress memories of being dominated, particularly early triggers that led them to their submissive state. They may also cope with the disappointment of not getting what they want by trivializing.

The result of submissive behavior is that you get little of what you want whilst losing the respect of other people. You are also likely to fall into a spiral of failing self-esteem, internal anger and psychosomatic problems.

Assertive Behavior

Assertive behavior means standing up for your rights and expressing your truths in a way that neither shrinks from what they want to communicate nor assumes that they are the only valid truths.

Assertiveness also includes recognizing and respecting the equality, rights and truths of other people.

Assertiveness can be understood in terms of what it is not: it is neither Aggressive behavior nor Passive behavior. In both persuasion and defending against persuasive efforts, assertive behavior is a powerful tool.

The assumptions on which assertiveness is based are that:

·                     All people have needs that they legitimately seek to satisfy, including them.

·                     All people have equal and legitimate rights, including them.

·                     All people can contribute to conversation, including them.

A critical aspect of this is an assumption of equality, which leads to a respect for others that moderates, but does not obviate, the seeking to achieve one's own goals.

The result of assertive behavior is that you get much of what you want whilst retaining the respect of other people.

In Transactional Analysis, the Adult uses assertive behavior and language, seeking equality rather than control or safety.

Assertive behavior is one of the most powerful ways of acting in interacting with other people.

Understanding assertiveness

Assertiveness is widely misunderstood, often equated with aggression, which is not. Here's more detail to give you a firm foundation in this area.

·        Assertiveness is: Submissive, assertive, and aggressive behavior.

·        Submissive behavior: Being submissive is not being assertive.

·        Aggressive behavior: Being aggressive is not being assertive.

·        Comparing behaviors: Comparing assertive, aggressive and submissive.

·        Building assertive beliefs: Beliefs drive behaviors.

Being Assertive

Once you now know what assertiveness is, then here are some methods to help you on your way.

·        Saying what you want: You can want anything.

·        Standing up for your rights: You can have what is rightfully yours.

·        Speaking your truths: Saying what you believe.

·        The three-part message: Their behavior, your feelings, wider effects.

·        Asking: Asking the other person to do something.

·        Saying no: Refusing, even when it is hard.

·        Disagreeing: Disagreeing with what they say and stating your own case.

·        Praise: Giving and getting it.

·        Giving criticism: Constructively helping others improve.

·        Receiving criticism: Taking criticism positively.

Developing Assertive beliefs

These behaviors are not god gifted birth traits. Unknowingly these behaviors get adapted basis on the environments we were brought up. But with strong will and consistent practice one can change their behavior to Assertive. It all depends on whatever you believe on yourself.

Much of what we do, say, feel and act is based on our beliefs, and in particular in our beliefs about people. Problems occur when we hold different beliefs about ourselves and about other people.

If you have assertive beliefs, then assertive behavior will follow. If you do not hold assertive beliefs, then you will have difficulty in sustaining assertiveness.

Beliefs that drive assertive behavior include:

·        One should feel equal to others, with the same fundamental rights.

·        One should be free to think, choose and make decisions for you.

·        One should be able to try things, make mistakes, learn and improve.

·        One should be able to take up responsibility for their own actions and my responses to other people.

·        One should not need permission to take action.

·        It is OK

 to disagree with others. Agreement is not always necessary or possible.

Finally I am closing this article with a quote from Swami Vivekananda “If you have faith in all the billion gods of Hinduism and all the gods of the all the religions yet if you don’t have belief on yourself, there is no salvation”

Finding Ways for Success

After passing many years of my journey in my profession, I realized and in fact I can say that I came to know from many of my peers through their compliments that I am a thinker and I think in depth, I go in detail, in bits and pieces of whatever task that being assigned to me. Of late I felt, that my ability of thinking with common sense with wide angles of the same problem is my strength. Realizing one's own strengths is utmost important to succeed in one's career. While it is utmost important to realize one's own strengths at an early stage as it will not only help to grow much faster but to serve much better to the organization you work and get the recognition you deserve.

I love challenges. I love to get recognized. I love to get appreciated. I love to be the center of the point. These are my basic instincts right from my childhood or in simple words, I am very ambitious. To fulfill my unknown urges of being recognized, I overwhelmingly take up or rather accepted and accept new challenges particularly the one's who others have given up. I then find ways and simplify the complexity into bits and pieces. Then approach towards solving the problem / challenge systematically in a process oriented manner to achieve the final goal. Each success of each bit gives me more confidence that I am heading towards my goal and gives me more kick to become more aggressive.

In the above paragraph, I have used the word "find ways". Finding ways comes through constant thinking and creativity. Creativity is not a born gift. Everyone has that ability but one has to believe in it. When you are running into a wall and all the ways are closed, don't give up. Figure out to find ways, how to climb it, how to work around it and discover a way. Giving up is the first failure because you yourself declaring that you are failed. People who have accepted failures and learnt from their failures have only succeeded but people who cited reasons for their failures or tried to escape from the tight situations have never succeeded.

I am a constant learner; I always try to use my time in learning new things at every opportunity. For example even before deleting unwanted mails, I will ensure to have glance and delete them. Sometimes I was about to delete but found something interesting and learnt. Web is a great massive teacher and more than a god but again it requires thinking to what to learn? For few have versatility. We can learn anything that is different but it needs to be correlated with your basics or you need have the ability to find a way of inventing a correlation.

I feel that one can quit anything in their lives but not thinking. I still remember, a few making fun of me for thinking too much for taking small decision but I never cared. Because I believed in what I am and I don't want to change for someone. Why should I?

I still believe that I need to learn a lot because whenever I come across something that I don't know and that is something closely related to my line, I feel of exploring that to have a deeper understanding of it. Knowledge never goes in vain. It will always help whether it is derived from seniors or juniors. In fact I learn a lot from conducting interviews that came with different specializations from different verticals with different eco systems. I never ask anything that I already know but I always try to ask those questions for which I am looking for an answer. Based on my intellectual and common sense, I come to a conclusion whether I got the right answer I am looking for or not. I also can assess the person whom I am interviewing has the ability to adapt to the demanding situations or not. I firmly believe that we can never find people tailor made to our demands but we need to groom them to our requirements and demands.

In this generation, most of the IITians are becoming entrepreneurs rather than going for highly paid jobs. Entrepreneurship comes with willingness to do something of their own or to do something differently to create their own identity by finding ways. I heard a couple of IIT students started a play school. By listening to this obviously there is no surprise to feel weird. But the play school they started is not the one we knew. Its completely techno crafted; wherein a parent can know at anytime during the school hours what his / her child is doing. These engineers have added a technology to a play school, a basic requirement of working folks and they were amazingly succeeded.

I always love what I am doing, be it working on a project or travelling on a official trip and finding new people to meet or chat on new things or sitting quite in the night finding ways for what I am looking for . As long as you don't love what you do, you need to assume that you need to find a way to love the work you do or find new opportunities to love.

Warm Regards

Sai Venkatesh

Beware of Past Experiences

In my first posting I mentioned that "our subconscious mind or the right brain, stores memory, organizes, recollects, visualizes incidents  and processes information from past experiences in an intuitive and simultaneous way and it is creative and emotional".


Everyone of us have a history, no matter our age or position in life is. Some are better than most, others are far worse than anyone can imagine. There might be some setbacks like job layoffs, relationships gone south, getting  betrayed by a friend or a colleague at work etc. In the same way there might be some past experiences of successes, appreciations and of great times.

Our past experiences can either take us to new heights, or shatter our future days making us run for cover. The decisions we take for the future basing on the past experiences makes the difference. This decision making capability lies in the conscious mind i.e left brain that processes information logically and is the place where we develop will power that also controls our nervous system.

The two sides of the brain communicate with each other constantly, mixing logical, rational thoughts with the abstract and emotional thoughts.The influence of the right brain abstract thoughts (creative and emotional) i.e past good/bad experiences on the left brain can either strengthen or hamper in the process of conscious decision making.  So it is essential to realize that life, no matter what we do, always continues moving forward and is always filled with extremes. We can either embrace our past, or allow it to manipulate our future. The choice is clearly ours on how we handle these situations. And the choices we make by combining both our past memories from the right brain with the logical thinking of the left brain will greatly affect ourselves and the people around us.

Converting failures into positive futuristic attempts should be developed as a habit because in fear and panic past memories of failure haunt us only to crush down and down  destroying our dreams, our relationships, our future goals.

Its evident every where that happy and successful people in this world use their ability, will power and optimistic approach with never giving up attitude to rise above previous hurdles. Rather, they don't look at problems and bad events as a crutch to wallow in negativity , they embrace them as learning experiences, helping them achieve their best moments yet. Many actually enjoy tough situations and problems because it helps them distinguish the truth, and see visions of what's coming next.

Once Mohammed Azharuddin, ex-captain of Indian Cricket Team was going through a bad phase with out of form. The continous failures in scoring runs at the crease made him go down and down. During that period Sunil Gavaskar advised Azhar to watch all the glorious innings he has played in his past and how he punished the best of the best bowlers of the world. And this recollection of past glory not only rebuilt his subsided confidence levels but transformed him to a person where every experience of his failure made him stronger and stronger and every success has added to his library to recollect during failures.

Yes, failures hurts when they come to bare. But life is a non-stop journey and it all depends on our thought process how we let go of the past by remembering better times of the past and realizing better times were only a few moments away and moving toward a brighter and beautiful future waiting to bestow upon our shoulders, giving more happiness than ever imagined.

The Power of Imagination

Below art represents an impressive artistic concept of the artist "Creating My Own World" 

Don't read ahead until you Observe it for a while....

The concept of creating my own world seems simple enough at first glance, but the longer we look at it, the more you'll see in it.

Creative and beautiful; it's hard to tell what was actually manipulated in this photo. It seems to be simple the soft blue and red background and the hand which was painting some birds; the jar is clear and provides eye catching contrast where the surface shines, and where the dark ink is concentrated. It was those swirled that made the best part of this piece ; they appear to fluid and inky, genuinely like the brush was dipped in the water and those shapes billowed out. 

The artist initially made a sketch with a poem that talks about the image itself.

"fish world of ink
when dreaming ..
imagination has no
boundaries -
so do dreams ..
like liquid thoughts ..
we create butterflies
only with our minds
and hearts."

 Isn't the creative process wonderful?







The ink represents the fluidity of imagination and creativity through which the artist creates fish, birds, butterflies and the world of his own. It has beautiful color, texture and a poetic touch.

The poem is equally deeper and in sync with the imagination and visualization of the artist.

Its very well said and one has to realize that "Imagination has no boundaries -so do dreams ..

like liquid thoughts (from the right brain) .. we create butterflies only with our minds and hearts."

Butterflies are nothing but the ideas and concepts that pour from the liquid thoughts of our minds and hearts.

The terms "ideas and concepts" more oftenly used by corporates but in reality they are applicable to every field. 

For a creative thinker, there is no place for success or failure nor any expectations, its only his imagination that lets him go beyond boundaries in search of novelty.  Finally, success adores those who dare to dream and let the power of their imagination take the flight......................

Awaken your suppressed Creativity...........

My intention in making this blog is not only to share my ideas with you all but to ignite the creativity that is already there within you. This blog  is not meant to come up with the single idea of my own, but rather to create an environment where great ideas and creativity can be nurtured and the ideas flow from all of you....

Opening Spell

Believe it or not, everyone of us have substantial creative ability. Just look at how creative children are. In adults, creativity has too often been suppressed in the process of academic education, but it is still there and can be reawakened. Often all that's needed to be creative is to make a commitment to creativity and to take the time for it.

Much of the thinking done in formal education emphasizes the skills of analysis--teaching students how to understand claims, follow or create a logical argument, figure out the answer, eliminate the incorrect paths and focus on the correct one. However, there is another kind of thinking, one that focuses on exploring ideas, generating possibilities, looking for many right answers rather than just one. Both of these kinds of thinking are vital to a successful working life, yet the latter one tends to be ignored.

Somewhere along the line, many of us have forgotten how to use our imagination to think and solve problems out of the box. Roger von Oech, in his book A Whack on the Side of the Head, recounts a teacher’s exercise in examining creativity. The teacher drew a dot on the chalkboard and asked a 12th class students to identify it. They responded with the obvious: a chalk dot. She noted that the day before she had asked a group of kindergartners, and they had come up with numerous examples of what it might be: the top of a telephone pole, a squashed bug, an owl’s eye, a cigar butt, a rotten egg, and so on. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood many of us lose the ability to be creative and search for more than one right answer.


What is Creativity?

Its not a god gift but merely an Ability. A simple definition is that creativity is the ability to imagine or invent something new. Creativity is not the ability to create out of nothing , but the ability to generate new ideas by combining, changing, or reapplying existing ideas. Creativity is also an attitude: the ability to accept change and newness, a willingness to play with ideas and possibilities, a flexibility of outlook, the habit of enjoying the good, while looking for ways to improve it.

The difference between the normal people and the one who are recognized as creative people is that the latter realizes that there are other possibilities and strive hard to continually improve ideas and solutions, by making gradual alterations and refinements to their works instead of accepting only a small number of permitted possibilities.

Why Creativity?


Be it business or an art, creativity and innovation are important keys to success in today’s rapidly changing world.

Process improvement, problem solving, recruiting, retaining and motivating employees, decision making, dealing with limited resources, satisfying customers, drawing audience and rapidly changing technology are all examples of business realities that require solutions with the above said keys to success 'creativity and innovation'.

Why this blog is titled as "TheRightBrainThoughts" ?

Human brain has two very different ways of thinking. One (the right brain) is visual and processes information in an intuitive and simultaneous way, looking first at the whole picture then the details. The other (the left brain) is verbal and processes information in an analytical and sequential way, looking first at the pieces then putting them together to get the whole.

In general we assume humans have only one brain, then why to  talk about Right Brain and Left Brain?

To put it in simple words, the conscious mind is the LEFT BRAIN and the subconscious mind is the RIGHT BRAIN.

Our conscious mind, the left brain processes information logically in straight line like 1,2,3,4,5,6 in a very organized manner and also controls our nervous system. The conscious mind is the place where we develop will power. And this is the function of the conscious decision making capability.

The subconscious mind or the right brain, on the other hand stores memory, organizes, recollects incidents and processes experience. The subconscious mind i.e the right brain is creative and emotional.

The two sides of the brain (called the right brain and left brain, but should more correctly be termed 'hemispheres') communicate with each other constantly, mixing logical, rational thoughts with the abstract and emotional, with emphasis in one hemisphere.

That means just like we don't do everything with only the one hand, so our brain doesn't do everything with one side, although there is generally a preference.

Is it Better to be Right Brained than Left Brained?

Though right-brain or non-verbal thinking is often regarded as more 'creative', there is no right or wrong here; it's merely two different ways of thinking. One is not better than the other, just as being right-handed is not 'superior' to being left-handed.

Mathematicians are generally left brain people while creative thinkers are generally right brain. People of true genius know how to use both, giving greater resilience on the right brain.

Therefore either one way of thinking alone will not be enough in  making our dreams into realities.

Whether one want to be a great entrepreneur, author, musician, painter, or comedian, it takes lots of efforts. One can’t just suddenly show up and demand to be acknowledged because they think they have talent. It’s not that easy. One must do the hard work of practicing continually for improving ideas because creativity creates new ideas, energy and momentum.Perhaps another way to say this is that creativity allows us to take advantage of opportunities.

Therefore the job doesn't end by just capturing the thoughts from the right brain but it needs to constantly polish and shape those thoughts with the left brain to become a productive outcome without ignoring the fact that the basic raw material in this would be the thoughts from the right brain


For Example:-

With respect to making a product for business house requires to:

• Come up with a great idea
• Converting the idea into innovation (that can be monetized)
• Develop a proposal
• Finding a client
• Selling the proposal
• Secure contract
• Developing the product
• Implementing it to use

The above steps are not that easy. This all requires significant effort. 

Conclusion
In my subsequent posts, you will be having visual images which will provoke you to think creatively and differently that allows you to become a kid again and reawakening the ability to be creative and search for more than one right solution.

If you are a true creative, the work won’t scare you. Embrace it. There really aren’t any shortcuts, despite what you may hear. The only thing standing between you and your dream is hard work and persistence.